The tumor...

Apparently on May 17th when I went to bed, I woke up around 2:30 having a seizure.  I have no memory of this at all, in fact, I don't remember much from that whole week.  Jeramy called 911 and I was taken by ambulance to American Fork Hospital where I had another seizure and was taken (by ambulance again) to UVRMC in Provo.  My parents received the 911 dispatch phone call at 2:30 in the morning to come and watch the kids.  Not a good call to get, I'm sure.

The MRI revealed that I had a stage 2 brain tumor in my left frontal lobe.  Who knew?  And fun fact for you, if you ever need to choose where to get a brain tumor, apparently your left frontal lobe is not a bad place to have one.  My tumor was removed on Monday, the 18th.  I spent a few days in the ICU and was able to go home on Thursday.

My stay in the hospital is all pretty foggy.  If you came to see me, thanks for coming, but I really don't remember you coming.  :( I remember that the food really wasn't that bad, and that I had LOTS of male nurses, which wasn't all that weird.  They were great.

Jeramy's family really stepped up and came down and helped with the kids AND then took them to Idaho for the week.  It was nice for me and Jeramy to just be home alone and work on healing.

It's been a month today and I say that I lost a month of my life.  Jeramy hates when I say that, but it's kind of true.  I don't have a lot of memories and I'm not functioning at 100%.

I can't drive.
The meds are making me a little crazy.
I.  EAT. ALL.  THE.  TIME.
(I've gained 10 pounds this month).
My face is super round and super zitty.  (Steroids).
I have sausage fingers and knees (they don't bend very well).
I'm irritable.  (Poor kids are usually the target of my rage).

My family has been great to help babysit me.  I'm technically not supposed to be on my own.  (Seizure risk and such).  My mom and sisters have helped us every day since I've been home.  It's really hard to let people to my laundry, dishes and all that fun stuff, but I'm grateful for the help!

 Jeramy's work has been pretty awesome, too.  He took 2 full weeks off and he's had to miss some more time now that follow up appointments have started up.  I've met with my (first) oncologist and he decided to hold off on chemo/radiation for now and let my body heal.  I'm good with that.  Had follow up with the surgeon this week and he ordered yet another MRI which I did today.  Here's hoping things look good.  And I don't meet with the next oncologist until August.  I will have MRI's every 2 months for a while and watch for any changes.

The kids have been pretty good about it all.  Apparently when the EMT's were in the house Macie thought we were showing the house.  (We've had a realtor over a few times, but we are NOT moving now).  Lexi has had a hard time and every day says, "When your hair grows back, then you can be my mom again."  Kind of breaks my heart.  I can't pick her up and she's been keeping her distance from me which is totally weird since we are glued at the hip usually.

Macie is weirded out when I eat...you can see the muscles in my head move...and she's asked me to keep my head covered up while eating.  FYI...if you're around me and my head makes you uncomfortable, please just tell me to cover it up, I won't be offended.  It's just HOT keeping it under a hat all day.  But as my sweet dad informed me, my hair is now a "socially acceptable" length in some circles.  (It's growing fast).  I've tried to style it with a little product.  It doesn't lay down yet.  Just stands straight up.

So, if you're wondering what to do for someone who has to have crazy serious surgery or something life changing, let me tell you what has been nice...
Food.  (That whole I'm always hungry because of the meds thing).  The ward fed us for a week and then I told them it was time for us to be grown ups again and fend of ourselves.  (I should also add that our ward had 3 people in the hospital and 3 babies born that week).
*Healthy food.  (FRUIT.  My body is all sorts of messed up right now).
*Taking my kids places.  (I can't drive).  I've had people take my girls to movies and splash pads and such and I really appreciate it!
*Yesterday I had a neighbor text and say that she was going to make salsa and asked if the girls wanted to come help.  They did and they had a blast!  So simple, yet so nice!
*Lots of new jammies have been brought.  So fun to have new pj's.

Jeramy has been known to throw away treats that have been delivered during the day, so keep it small so I can eat it all before he gets home.  Yeah.  I just said that.  My mom brought a plate of cookies that I hid and ate in two days so he wouldn't throw them away.

I have only had 2 moments that really got to me.
1) At my oncologist appointment the receptionist called to schedule my MRI and gave them my diagnosis as "brain cancer."  No one had used the cancer word yet and it hit me hard and I wanted to hit her hard.
2) One night at Taco Bell a sweet little girl couldn't stop staring at me.  Kind of wanted to hit her, too.
  Other than that, I've been pretty calm.  Tired of people asking questions because we honestly don't have many answers.  Kind of tired of people in general.  If you come by and I don't answer, I still love you I just don't want to talk to you right now.

I haven't had problems remembering people, but I did forget the word "elbows" and that was painful and took a few days for me to recommit that word to my memory.  I finally had to ask what they were and then just stare at them for a LONG time to remember.  Weird.  Kind of funny.