My blahhh - og

I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been my usual 2 posts a week kind of gal lately. I've been in a rut emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. Blogging just didn't sound like fun. Still doesn't, but I'm going to give it a try. I know this will be a whiny, long post, so be prepared.

We've had a hard 4 weeks around here. Jeramy has worked from 8:30a.m. to 9 p.m. for 4 weeks. (Or even longer some nights). My kids miss their Daddy. I miss him, too. We have only got to eat dinner as a family on Sundays and I miss our family time every night. He always reads the scriptures at night before bed to the kids, not me, so the kids haven't been read to for 4 weeks because by bedtime, I am soo done being the mom.
We are all tired. BUT, tomorrow is the last of the long/late days! 4Life Convention will be over (at least for another 18 months). My mom keeps saying, "just be thankful he has a job" and I am thankful...but I'd be even more thankful if he weren't salaried, so we would actually be getting paid for all this overtime.

I know that I am a very independent person. I don't mind doing things on my own for the most part, but even I reached my limit yesterday. Here's the story.

You know that warm, loving feeling you have for your kids? That was so not what I was feeling while I was trying to help Lindsay pee into a cup yesterday. It was warm, all right, but not in a good way. Let me back up...

Wednesday night I let the kids stay up late to see their Dad for a few minutes when he got home. While we were all sitting on the couch chatting, Lindsay kept saying, "Mom, my lip hurts...it feels funny...mom look..." and on and on and I was too excited to be talking to someone older than 7 to even care. When I finally looked down, her lip was totally swollen!

I put the other 2 to bed, but let her lay with me and watch Toy Story to see if the swelling continued. It spread to her eyes, and soon she looked like Quasimodo...

By then all the instacares were closed, and Jeramy was alseep as were the other kids. I didn't know what to do, so I put it up on facebook for advice. Pretty much everyone told me to take her to the ER, so I didn't. Yup. I kept her home. I have an epi pen, so I knew if her breathing got bad, I could give her that, but she really was fine other than the swollen face. I laid with her all night and kept her medicated with Motrin and Benadryl. I kept one hand on her at all times to make sure she was breathing. It was a long night.

In the morning, she was still very Quasimodo-like, so I called the doctor and took her in. By the time we got there, the swelling had gone down a lot. I told him that she must be allergic to something, he proceeded to tell me that it probably wasn't an allergy. What does he know? He checked her for strep and then asked for a urine sample. I thought Lindsay was going to DIE when I explained what she had to do. She and I sat in the bathroom and fought for a good 10 minutes, I yelled, I laughed, I bribed, I thought of all the people out in the hall listening to our battle. After a magical glass of water from the nurse, and a dollar, she finally said she was ready. I held the cup, she got more on my hand than in the cup, but it was enough. Once she did it and I screwed the lid on, she said, "K mom, now flush it down." "No, sweetie, we have to go give it to the nurse." She was mortified and started to cry. Pee stays in the bathroom in the toilet, not in a cup in the hallway!

The test showed that her protein levels were high and he thought that was causing the swelling and he told me that she might have Nephrotic Syndrome. As he sat and explained it all to me, I started that internal panic. I kept the smile on my face, nodded when I was supposed to, but the panic was creeping up. Lindsay...sick...kidneys...protien...steriods...prednisone(ahh, that's the stuff that Rachel has to take and makes her face swell...can't handle that...wait, isn't Lindsay's face already swollen?)...may grow out of it... I'm not feeling so calm. The doctor sent us to the hospital for more tests.

I got in the car and called Jeramy. I knew he wouldn't answer because he was teaching web classes, so I left him a message that ended with me in tears telling him we were going to the hospital. I needed my husband.

I kept it together while we checked in at the hospital. Got a little shaky while waiting for our turn. Got a LOT shaky when they couldn't find a vein on my sweet little Lindsay who was being so brave sitting on my lap. Had to wipe a tear from my eye when they had to switch arms and try again and she still didn't make a sound or wiggle an inch. We got in the car and I lost it. Sobs. Silent, scared kids in the car - that's a first.

Jeramy finally called. I couldn't really talk with all that crying. He said he could leave if I needed him to. I calmed down and said that we were done and not to worry about it. Even though I so needed some support and someone to talk to. That support came in a lot of different ways after that. I think I had about 10 phone calls, 5 emails, 4 texts, and neighbors coming over to check on is. I felt loved. I felt peace. Thank you - you know who you are!

The doctor called back pretty quick and said that the blood tests came back fine, which is good, but still no answers. We get to go back in 2 weeks to do it all again. I can hardly wait to hold the cup. Maybe I'll send Jeramy this time. :)

The end. Maybe next week I'll be up for blogging all the projects I did to keep myself busy for the past 4 weeks!

(I'm sure some of you are wondering where the picture of Quasimodo-like Lindsay is. Well, she refused to let me take a picture. Believe me, I tried. I know a blog-able face when I see one).